Today i opened a new blog at http://ryanhauck.blogspot.com. It's not replacing LJ; the only reason I opened it is because Yahoo is shutting down GeoCities and I needed a public launch point for family photos. I might also decide to start posting kid/family stories there after a time, i dunno. But for now it's just got hyperlinks to photos.

[/end PSA]

Some amusing anagrams of my name, in rough order of favorites:

cry, kahuna
a racy hunk (ohhhh yeeahhhhhh...bow bow)
a hunky car
a hunk, a cry
unary hack (particularly amusing because it's computer science related)
an arch, yuk
anarchy UK!
aryan huck (oh great, now i'm a racist)
a ranch--yuk!
auk, cry? nah
ha! caky urn
a chunk, yar!
any chukar (what is it with my name and bird anagrams?)
chunk a ray

Courtesy of Andy's Anagram Solver, which I've used for over 10 years for various reasons.

LiveJournal is dead. Or dying. Or doomed. However you want to put it. Well, okay, the entire site itself isn't dead, but my friends community is rapidly becoming so. Out of curiosity, this morning I went down my friendslist. I counted 71 friends or mutual friends who are actual individuals, not feeds or groups. Of those 71, only 38 update on any sort of regular basis--meaning more than once a month; and out of those, I'd estimate there are at least 15 that I skim, don't read, or aren't interested in 90% of the time. I keep those people on my friendslist because they're interested in my posts, or so they say, but I don't find their posts particularly engaging.

LJ is quickly being replaced by even-more-passive, sound-byte social networking--primarily facebook and twitter. I like facebook, though my usage has tailed off recently; it doesn't replace LJ, as interactions there are far more shallow, but at least there's interaction. I've discovered I don't like twitter much at all (which is really ironic considering it's basically a tool for non-stop non sequiturs, and I was Non Sequitur King back in the day). Related to that, I've started to become annoyed by LJs that are nothing more than twitter feeds. If you want to *supplement* your LJs with twitter feeds, great. I do that myself. But to make it your *only* form of LJ posting...well, to be completely honest that's just annoying. Cut it out. If you want to communicate with your friends, communicate with us. Don't just send us the transcript.

LJ has become what its name more literally implies: a journal, not a blog. As in, a place where I write for myself, not really caring if anyone else is reading. So if my posts become increasingly rambly, boring, and/or too granular for your attention level, now you know why: as of today I'm officially no longer writing for an audience. Unofficially it's been that way for months, so you won't see any drastic changes. I just wanted to note the mental change of focus. You're welcome to stay along for the ride--I would love for people to keep reading and keep talking. But if you're tired of being on this train, here is your invitation to debark. I will have no hard feelings at all. (It'd be dishonest not to admit I'll be sad if some particular people delist me, but I'm not going to lose my mind over it.)

To that effect I've implemented a small friendscut myself. I actually wanted to make it larger, but find it difficult to cut off people who I hope enjoy my posts from time to time. If you didn't make the cut and want back on, please alert me via comments. I cannot promise you'll be re-added, but I'll give it due consideration.

In summary:

1. I made a friendscut.
   
2. You're invited to cut me, right now, no hard feelings. In all likelihood I'll reciprocate. This is not an emotional cut; I'm just trying to cull the herd and keep my friendslist generally limited to people who are still posting and whom I want to keep up with.
   
3. If twitter regurgitations are your only LJ entries, honestly, why bother?
   
4. I'm really sad LJ has come to this. It was a great way to get into the minds of my friends and acquaintances. No other social networking site comes close; facebook, twitter, et al are too superficial, too shallow. There's nothing in them on which a friendship can be created, like LJ has done for me so many times (I can count at least a half-dozen without even thinking hard).

This social networking site has been a fun ride, but I think it's past its prime and I'm more interested in using it for pure journaling.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this issue.

EOT

Some time ago I made my LiveJournal friends-only due to various situations. If you're interested in reading this journal, please leave a comment here.

I got back from the Atlanta Baha'i regional conference about 12:30 this morning. I had SO. MUCH. FUN. It was an unbelievable time. It's hard to properly put into words how amazing the weekend was, how much I learned, how thoroughly and deeply I felt the love of Baha'u'llah and 3000+ people flowing through the building and through me. I was moved to tears throughout the conference. I saw people I haven't seen in a long time, sometimes over 20 years. I reconnected with family members who I just happened to run into while walking around. I bonded with the Charleston Baha'is with whom I was travelling. I heard amazing talks by amazing people. I took 4 pages of notes. I shared important thoughts and concepts with my fellow Baha'is. I laughed--a lot. I learned some Chinese! I learned tolerance and patience. I learned (and experienced) I can "ransom" my misfortunes in exchange for the success of our efforts. I learned that I need to seize momentum and reach out to my fellow Baha'is, not just for feasts and holidays but for daily connection and friendship. Most importantly, the entire weekend this conference was permeated by love, love, love. Love regardless of age, race, nationality, language, accent, handicap, gender, religion, dress, or anything else. It was amazing and breathtaking. Truly it was one of the most incredible experiences in recent memory.

All weekend I received confirmations, just as the Universal House of Justice told us we all would, that I've been moving in the right direction with my ideas and efforts. Things I'd passed off as coincidences or random events over the past several weeks suddenly came into focus as small parts of a larger master plan. I can't even count how many times during the weekend I exclaimed that I felt like the UHJ had been reading my mind. Then I realized it's more than that: Baha'u'llah has been guiding both the UHJ and me (and everyone else) with common themes and common goals, while still tailoring them to an invididual or world-embracing scope. Think of the implications: Baha'u'llah took the time to personally offer me the same guidance that he offered the supreme body of this religion. That's an idea so profound, so powerful, so humbling to me that I have yet to fully absorb it.

Often in situations like these conferences, one tends to ride the waves of euphoria and enthusiasm and overcommit to unrealistic goals. I tried very, very hard to raise my level of commitment and sacrifice without being dishonest to myself or others regarding my capacities. I also tried very hard to think of ways I could be uniquely helpful. I committed to much more than I originally thought I would, but 24 hours later it still doesn't seem unrealistic or daunting. It's not as much as it looks, but it's still a lot. But I really think I can handle:
+ Praying daily for the advancement of this Cause and the efforts of Baha'is everywhere, especially in the Charleston-Berkeley cluster (this may sound easy, but praying daily is something I consistently forget to do)
+ Praying for the success of the friends in The Bahamas
+ Helping with home visits in Moncks Corner
+ Coordinating home visits for Baha'is who consider themselves Summervillians, but are actually in the Charleston-Berkeley cluster
+ Hosting devotionals at lunchtime on a weekly or every-other-weekly basis
+ Helping the College of Charleston Baha'is with mid-day activities
+ Beginning a long-overdue study of the Ruhi Books, starting (over) with Book 1, during mid-day

I also:
+ Collected POCs for possibly starting local(ish) children's classes in January
+ Decided I can no longer be shy, embarrassed, or hesitant to write or speak the name of Baha'u'llah and His religion. This is, honestly, a huge challenge. Wearing one's religion openly is not easy, especially when it's a minority religion.
+ Made an internal commitment to try to keep my faith "switched on" all the time--not just when I'm around other Baha'is. This is perhaps the biggest challenge of all. Among other things, it will require altering or de-prioritizing some significant portions of my life. And it will require me to constantly be on guard to lead/teach by example.

I did not commit to actions I know I can't do yet, such as hosting a neighborhood children's class or participate in direct teaching. It's easy to feel guilty saying "I can't", but the UHJ itself says [paraphrased] "find your part to play". And not everyone can do everything. So I'm comfortable saying "no" to some things right now.

My heart has been soaring ever since Friday evening, and continues to soar today. Being around just a few Baha'is makes me feel so wonderful; being around THREE THOUSAND Baha'is makes me feel like Superman. It makes me want to change who I am, and not just in subtle ways. It makes me want to be a better person, live a better life, show a better example. To change how I interact with other people. To eliminate old habits and begin new ones. Can I keep up that kind of enthusiasm and dedication once the euphoria of the conference dies down? Only time will tell, but I am more confident than ever. Ya'Baha'u'l-Abha!

For a number of reasons, I'm going through a periodic cull of my friendslist.

Something I've noticed in the past 12-18 months is a steady decline in the use of Livejournal. I don't know if it's just not "in" anymore, people are tired of the boneheaded LJ management decisions, it's being supplanted by other social network sites (facebook seems to have gotten mega-popular recently), or what. But I've found myself losing touch with people whose lives--or whose posts, anyway--I'd come to enjoy. It saddens me a little.

However, for whatever reason I'm bugged by having "stale" accounts on my friendslist; so although I'd be happy to see entries from some of the people I took off, I'm more strongly compelled to remove those accounts and take a pretty safe gamble that people who have drifted away from LJ will not be returning.

Finally, if you were removed from the friendslist and want back on, please comment and I'll consider it. No promises.

January 28, 1986
Mike Smith
Dick Scobee
Ron McNair
Ellison Onizuka
Christa McAuliffe
Greg Jarvis
Judy Resnik

For people my age the Challenger explosion was our JFK tragedy, our collective moment in history, frozen in time and memory forever. Seven magnificent people died that day and took the hearts of the country and space program with them. The death of the first "normal citizen" in the space program was particularly difficult. For my part of the country, the loss of Ronald McNair was especially significant; he grew up in Lake City, a small, poor, mostly black town just 20 minutes south of my hometown of Florence. To this day highways, buildings, and schools all over the Eastern half of the state are named for him. He was a hero and inspiration to many.

"For the families of the seven, we cannot bear, as you do, the full impact of this tragedy. But we feel the loss, and we're thinking about you so very much. Your loved ones were daring and brave, and they had that special grace, that special spirit that says, 'Give me a challenge and I'll meet it with joy.' They had a hunger to explore the universe and discover its truths. They wished to serve, and they did. They served all of us. ...The crew of the space shuttle Challenger honored us by the manner in which they lived their lives. We will never forget them, nor the last time we saw them, this morning, as they prepared for their journey and waved good-bye and 'slipped the surly bonds of earth' to 'touch the face of God.'" --Ronald Reagan

My Papaw (paternal grandfather) would have been 100 years old today. He often joked that he was born on the darkest day of the year (winter solstice). Anyway, Papaw died in 1988 just 6 days short of his 81st birthday, My brothers and I had arrived in Florida on winter vacation and visited him in the nursing home on our first day in town. He said "hi" to Cory, probably the first person he'd recognized in months...that was quite possibly the last word he ever uttered. We all stood there in the dark room watching him, unable to really communicate with him but just wanting to be there and love him. We knew it was one of the last chances we'd have...just not the last chance. After a hug and kiss from each of us we headed back to the house. By 6am the next morning, Papaw was gone. It was almost like he was hanging on just long enough to see some of his grandchildren one last time. It really means a lot to me that I was able to say goodbye to him.

I don't have a lot of memories about my Papaw...we only saw him once every year or two. From all accounts he was a bit of a hard-nosed bastard in his prime, but almost all of my memories about him are positive. To his grandchildren he was a generous, loving, soft-hearted, gentle, white-haired man who had a voice like an angel. To me he was almost like Santa Claus--old and white-haired, always jolly and laughing and full of love. I loved to sit in his lap and listen to his stories. I worshiped him, as I do all my grandparents. I loved being around him because he was always patting my hand or my head and making me laugh. He loved to play the piano and sing; he played with such grace and sung with a beautiful voice. Papaw was a devoted Baha'i and a devoted husband. He was completely in love with his wife, up to and beyond the day she died (2/2/83). Towards the end of his own life he developed kidney failure and severe dementia (among other things), which caused him to lose control of his memories, emotions, and temper; but I (intentionally) don't really remember most of those days. I prefer to remember him sitting at the piano in my uncle's den at Thanksgiving, playing his favorite songs and serenading us all. I wish I could remember the songs, but I can't...so Papaw, I look forward to the day when I can hear you sing them again.

Happy 100th Birthday, Papaw. I love you and I miss you so much.


(from winter 1987...I was 14.)

Culled the friends list tonight. If you were cut and think it was a mistake, please let me know.

(I will enter a locked post right after this so if you can see it, you're golden.)

I can't state anything that hasn't already been stated (or thought), so please pray for the families of the victims who have been killed, the recovery of those wounded, and the safety of the students and employees at the university. This is a terrible shock.

If there are any Psi Brothers at VT, please check in to let us know you're okay.

Ignoring for a moment the cartoonist's normal anti-Bush agenda (of which he makes no secret), there is a more profound warning in this cartoon. Just in case you think it isn't relevant to today's world, read this, this, and this for current examples.

January 28, 1986
Mike Smith
Dick Scobee
Ron McNair
Ellison Onizuka
Christa McAuliffe
Greg Jarvis
Judy Resnik

"For the families of the seven, we cannot bear, as you do, the full impact of this tragedy. But we feel the loss, and we're thinking about you so very much. Your loved ones were daring and brave, and they had that special grace, that special spirit that says, 'Give me a challenge and I'll meet it with joy.' They had a hunger to explore the universe and discover its truths. They wished to serve, and they did. They served all of us. ...The crew of the space shuttle Challenger honored us by the manner in which they lived their lives. We will never forget them, nor the last time we saw them, this morning, as they prepared for their journey and waved good-bye and 'slipped the surly bonds of earth' to 'touch the face of God.'" --Ronald Reagan

I suppose it may occur to some of my LJFriends that my journal comes off as overly negative. I admit that it probably does. I guess that's because I use it more for a venting platform than anything; it's hard for me to let out anger anywhere else in life, and this is a good and relatively harmless--if not downright healthy--place to do it. I'm not all angst/anger all the time, as much as it may seem that way. Many times I write because LJ is my virtual shoulder to lean on when I have no other shoulders in physical proximity, whether I'm actually asking (or implying i'm asking) for advice/comments or not.

For a change of pace, maybe I should give a summary of things that are going right.

1. I'm 30 and still feel young, alive, and in relatively good health. My weight is too much, but it's at least stable.
   
2. I love my wife more than I ever have, and she's doing a great job with motherhood. I can't really even conceive of taking care of a child 24 hours a day. I figure on an average workday, I'm maybe even in the vicinity of my baby 6 hours per day, and oh, maybe 1/3 of that is actual child care. And I have been at my wit's end quite a few times. It must require superhuman effort to be a parent for 18 hours or more per day. My wife also puts up with my myriad shortfalls and weaknesses, and still finds the love and patience to kiss me hello, goodbye, and goodnight every day. She is an amazing person.
   
3. I really do have a wonderful, amazing, good-natured baby boy who I love to death. I devour with relish the times we have together talking and having a good time. I love looking at his cute little fat face and kissing his cheeks. I love watching him sleep; I love watching him grow. I can't wait until he learns how to smile, laugh, play, talk, and run. I know I'm going to make a million mistakes with him, but in between those million mistakes I hope to do a billion things right. There are so many things I look forward to doing and seeing with him.
   
4. Despite all the complaints about my Mom and Dad, they really are two of the kindest people on the earth. They both try to do what's best for their children and families. They have the biggest hearts of anyone I know. Their intentions are always noble. I do not show my appreciation to them nearly as much as I should, and I should be thankful that although they weren't perfect parents, 90% of what they did was The Right Thing, and the other 10% is easy enough to spot that I can learn from their mistakes. In addition to two wonderful parents I have a great stepmother who has always shown us love, affection, and generosity. She has always striven to have a good relationship with my brothers and me, no matter how turbulent or difficult her marriage to my dad has been.
   
5. My grandparents are four of the most amazing people ever to grace my world, and I idolize all of them. The two that are gone I miss so much, but I know that they're not really gone. The two that I still have are my heroes.
   
6. I really do have good in-laws, even the mother-in-law who has so drastically strained my patience in the past month. They are devoted to Amy and now to Austin; they have showered me with acceptance and kindness, despite the fact that I am so radically different from anyone else in their family. They try to respect my opinion and make me feel comfortable in their family.
   
7. I am very blessed to have the job I do. When the IT market bottomed out and suddenly my whole career field descended into instability if not downright chaos, my company responded by giving me raises and assuring me that my job was secure for as long as I continued my good performance. I have a great team of direct-report management and it seems that upper management may finally be starting to get their act together. There is a reason that I am close to completing my 5th year with this company and have no serious plans to change jobs anytime in the near or distant future.
   
8. My house rocks. The yard desperately needs professional help, but it's still a yard. The house needs minor repairs, and I wouldn't mind closing off the master bedroom; I also want to rip out the deck before rot or termites destroy it and put in a nice sunroom. I might seriously start thinking about that next year once our budget has leveled off and we know how much of a loan we can afford. If I accelerate our student loan payments using the extra money in my paychecks that's coming from new tax exemptions...hmmmmmmmmmm!
   
9. Both of my cars are in excellent shape, are reliable, and should last at least another 5 years if not more (Inshallah!).
   
10. I'm truly financially stable for the first time in my life.
    
11. I have become re-acquainted with a religion that I truly love being a part of, and am slowly (very slowly...creepingly slowly...molasses in january slowly) learning how to turn my life over to God instead of being devoted to myself. I am also making wonderful friends, rediscovering old friends, and establishing a network across the country if not the world. I am finding inner peace, tranquility, and God's grace. My mind is clearer and I come to anger less quickly. I smile more, and I ask God for more help in my life. I look forward to teaching my child(ren) about this world-embracing religion.
    
12. Most, if not all, of my friends are in good health and leading positive lives. Most of them are much better friends to me than I am to them, and for that I am in their debt.
    
13. Clemson is going to have an awesome football season. :)
    

====
And now, back to my PowerPoint presentation. I feel much better now.

Future Zeta Brother?

(note hand in perfect stein form)

picture taken 7/16/2004--20 days old